Help! My Boss Just Doesn’t Understand Me!

Almost half of employees [1] claim that their boss rarely or only partially understands them, which results in 3 things:

– Lost opportunities

– Feedback that isn’t aligned

– And increased frustration, particularly among younger generations

This disconnection is about clarity and connection rather than intent. Trust, engagement, and productivity all suffer when managers and staff do not fully understand one another.

In this blog, we will examine the reasons behind this belief, its underlying causes, and the steps that managers and team members can take to close the gap and create more solid, productive working relationships.

Why does it feel like your boss just doesn’t get you?

It is not your imagination — a big chunk of the workforce really feels invisible. According to a report from The Predictive Index, 46% of employees say their managers only “somewhat” or “rarely” understand what they truly contribute. [1]

The situation shows a major gap between what happens and what should happen. In the same survey [1]:

– 44% felt they were overlooked for raises, promotions, or important projects because of misperceptions about their skills or how they work.

– 48% believed their contributions were consistently undervalued by leadership.

– 43% of all respondents said feedback from their managers often feels misaligned with how they view themselves. That number jumps to 54% for Gen Z.

The ongoing presence of these gaps destroys employee engagement and trust while making leaders appear disconnected from their teams. The good thing? The main problem stems from misalignment rather than bad intentions. This means that things can be improved.

What’s really behind the misalignment?

Most disconnections at work do not come from laziness or poor intent but are often the result of a lack of feedback, misaligned communication, concealed priorities, and unclear expectations.

1. Unclear expectations

Managers often do not share or share very limited information about their expectations, goals, targets, or the company’s general directions with their team members. When it comes to the specific task requirements, many overlook the power of detailed explanations and often leave teams to figure things out on their own. This detrimental move leads to each member having their own interpretation of the task. And we can kind of guess what this will lead to: either the results are not up to expectation, causing an entire do-over, or they are too good/out of this world.

Then there is the process of performance evaluation. Without a standard or benchmark to evaluate each employee’s performance, the evaluation can become confusing or unfair, which in turn damages trust between individuals.

2. Different communication styles

Some leaders are fast and efficient in how they communicate. As such, they prefer quick summaries where they can easily grasp key points. Others need a full story with context and like to take time to consider all options or all perspectives before making the final decision. What some leaders tend to overlook is adjusting their approach to also match their members’ various ways of communicating.

On the other hand, employees that are lacking effective communication or interpersonal skills might under-/overdo their parts. The result is yet more endless days of frustration for both parties to understand each other.

3. Hidden priorities

Leaders face numerous challenges and pressures from peers and upper management, from limited financial resources to tight deadlines, increasing KPIs, opposing stakeholder requirements, etc. Not all of these can be freely shared among the entire team. Therefore, many go hidden or are treated with a “just do it, no questions asked” mentality, which not many agree to.

Having hidden priorities or agendas is like asking team members to navigate in the dark; some stumble, then give up, and some suffer in silence. Those who raise their voices about the mismatched values or targets often do not receive adequate explanations or feedback, which then leads to even more disappointment and failure to fulfil current priorities.

4. Limited feedback loops

Misunderstandings multiply when feedback is rare, one-sided, or worse, no comments whatsoever. Employees blindly work on tasks, not knowing they are driving on the wrong side of the road. Without timely comments and guidance, they would cause more than just a slight injury. Without proper communications and feedback, managers also miss chances to support their members’ growth.

Two-way feedback or feedforward provides ample time for both parties to reflect on the past, evaluate, and listen so they can create better alignment. The ongoing dialogue between team members and managers enables them to build stronger relationships, which decreases communication problems and creates a more unified work environment.

Simple ways to close the gap together

It takes more than just good intentions to bridge the gap between managers and employees. It calls for practical steps that both parties can take to increase mutual understanding, fortify trust, and converge on common objectives. Leaders and teams can substitute meaningful collaboration for frustration by concentrating on expectations, communication, and feedback.

Set clear expectations and context

Setting clear expectations and context is the foundation for “what success looks like” for both managers and their team members. Leaders are fully responsible for establishing the initial framework for “clarity”. Thus, they need to provide employees with:

– The context (why we are doing what we do): Leaders need to explain the team’s and the company’s goals. For instance, how does a specific task impact the team and, eventually, the company’s targets? What are its priorities?

– Definition of success: Leaders need to clearly define and be upfront about how results and deliverables will be measured. Will employees’ performance be evaluated using KPIs, OKRs, SMART goals, or any other methods? How frequently will they be assessed?

– Resources and constraints: “How much money/time/how many people do we have for this project?” is the one main question that always lurks around employees’ minds. To avoid wasted efforts, leaders need to state both available resources and what is off-limits so team members can better manage their time and scope.

On the other hand, team members must seek clarification to ensure their understanding and interpretations of their responsibilities are correct. This not only eliminates assumptions but also prevents employees from working on tasks that do not contribute any value.

Adapt how you communicate

As mentioned above, leaders are often faced with pressures and challenges from all sides; not all of them are visible to their employees. The hidden priorities then push leaders to use directive, strategic, and big-picture language with their subordinates. In other words, leaders tend to command, and their commands are often brief and lack clarity. Employees, especially junior members, need detailed “how-to” guides rather than “what we need to achieve” orders.

To close the communication gap, leaders need to move away from those “what we need to achieve” demands to “how we will support you to achieve it”. While leaders may think getting straight to the point can help save both parties’ time, to employees, this can be translated as being dismissive or lacking interest.

Employees also need to work on their communications for the exchange between them and their managers to happen in the most efficient manner. This means team members need to frame questions around the bigger strategic goals and reduce or remove overwhelming background information (e.g., using bullet points to summarise ideas).

When leaders and employees adapt to each other’s styles, information flows more smoothly and messages are less likely to be misinterpreted.

Provide continuous feedback

Practices of giving feedback or feedforward should become a habit. Don’t wait for the prime time to tell someone how things could have turned out differently. The best time to act is now. Additionally, effective feedback/feedforward relies on effective communication. No one would understand “This tagline is not ‘wow’ enough!” or “How did I do?”

What is feedforward? Learn what it is and how to apply this practice for yourself and your team with this highly interactive and informative webinar with our CEO, Rick Yvanovich. Click here to learn more!

When offering constructive criticism, continuing to pick on past mistakes can only deepen one’s injury. Instead, leaders and their teams can focus on future behaviours and use coaching techniques to encourage two-way interactions. Consider asking open-ended questions like, “What’s one thing I should stop, start, or continue doing next time?”

Lastly, though issues should be addressed directly, they should also be done professionally and regularly. Annual reviews are not enough to maintain alignment. Regular check-ins will help leaders and team members strengthen their relationships as well as ensure they are on the right path to improvement.

Bridging the gap between managers and employees requires more than individual improvement because it needs proper alignment. Organisations achieve trust and collaboration by establishing defined expectations and maintaining open communication and regular feedback systems. Leaders who dedicate themselves to team understanding develop work settings which produce superior human outcomes and organisational success.

Sources:

[1] https://www.hrdive.com/news/workers-say-their-boss-doesnt-understand-them/750978/